Author Archives: colin

Precognitive Review of All Worlds Fair

The (in)famous psychic time traveling art critic, Waine Blalker — who hasn’t written a good review since his review of the NeoNeoRetroFuturist performance entitled “Destruction of the Dinosaurs” 66 million years ago — wrote this review of the All Worlds Fair before he even went…

All Worlds Hipster Bullshit

Hipster Fucks,

I don’t know if you all realize it, but the stupid dress code, timing issues, no booze and overkill on emails and forms has put a large group of folks that I recommended the event to way the fuck off. We all blindly bought tickets, unfortunately. Next time, be WAY up front about what to expect from your event when buying tickets, as it was anything but crystal clear. Frankly, this shit is turning into work, not fun, and everyone I know who’s going scoffed at everything listed above. Give people some goddamn idea as to what it is we should expect when we spend the money.

And yes, my fault for not checking in further and expecting all of the fun you’ve already managed to sap from the prospective evening would be something I’d even have to consider. I expect to be enlightened when traveling around the world, not hanging out with a bunch of white people at a glorified costume party, so cut the shit next time. In fact, I’d like to know who the event organizers are so I can avoid their future events like the plague. Can you tell me? I don’t care how ‘cool’ your past events have been, this shit is ridiculous, you fucking amateurs. Very low expectations for tonight.

I’d get my money back if I could.

Damn.

Waine B.

We are honored that Waine B. even considered attending the All Worlds Fair. However, given his track record of extremely negative criticism, and all smiling faces of the Travelers who came through last night, we take Waine’s precognitive review with a grain of salt.

We look forward to see all the Travelers this evening!

PSA “Dangers of the Digital Device”

While digging through our Time Archives we discovered this excellent PSA, “Dangers of the Digital Device”! Technically this PSA has not been produced yet. It will be produced in 1951 on parallel Earth for a future All Worlds Fair. However, we felt it would be a shame not to show at least a teaser of it now! The full PSA may be shown to a lucky few at the All Worlds Fair. Our engineers ensure us the All Worlds Fair paradox bafflers should be able to handle it*

*If you experience any of the following please stop the video at once to avoid further damage from paradox: dry mouth, headaches, loss of the ability to tell time, a phone call from your future self, gastrointestinal reverse time digestive syndrome, horrifying baying of hounds of tindalos, sudden appearance of a blue police box, Narwhals in your peripheral vision, or any other sensations that appear outside of ordinary reality.